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| From 18_05_09 Beach day |
How do I start? well I guess I'll start with the first day I accepted Jesus as my saviour. That now was a long long time ago for me, I was very young, maybe 12. I remember being at a Christian camp and hearing about God, I just really wanted this in my life so I approached someone and he led me through a prayer. I remember being so full of joy at the moment after I became a Christian, I rang up my Mom to tell her the news "Guess what Mom, I became a Christian".
I never got baptised till a few years later I think, my Mother was dating a Christian man who asked if I would like to be baptised, of corse I would! I can still remember my baptism, I remember giving a speach about my faith, then I was baptised. I remember coming out of the water feeling that great joy again, I couldn't do anything but smile, I was soooo happy. I grew closer to God through reading his word when I was young and I gained a good understanding of scripture, but I never had someone to disciple me and help me with problems I was going through. I struggled with a sin and was finding it hard to stop, I couldn't stop, but I still continued in my faith.
My greatest blow to my faith came in grade 11, I was spiritually attacked, a very severe one that caused me to wonder where God was. I believe that the attack was because I tried to share my faith with a Chinese girl who was involved in a spiritualist cult and I was young and didn't have the knowledge to know how to handle this spiritual attack. It started in the middle of the night for me, I had a dream and woke up with a very evil presence that surrounded me and seemed to block my prayers from reaching God. I called out to God but nothing seemed to make it go away. I had no idea how to deal with this, and because of the sin I was involved in, I had felt like I had finnally sinned so much that God had turned away from me. I got through this time, it lasted for about 2 months and really interupted my study as I was unable to concentrate on anything during that period.
After that my faith in God was not as strong as it was before, but I always longed to be with Him. My sinning continued ... and my faith was not strong at all... someoen would ask me if i'm Christian and I didn't know what to say, I felt like how can I call myself a Christian and be doing what I'm doing. I wanted to be a sincer Christian, I didn't like the thought of being fake.
By the time I found Hope Brisbane I was in this state, not knowing to say if i'm a Christian or not, cause I didn't feel worthy. Through hope brisbane I started to gain strength again and grow in Christ, God was using his word to speak to me. He taught me about my sin and showed me how I can start to over come it. It was interesting because he showed me through scriptures I had read before, but gave me a new understanding of them and how it relates to me. Then I had another blow, during a prayer meeting I had another spiritual attack, and had the feeling of condemnation on me again. Though not as strong as it happened when I had my grade 11 attack it still wounded me and brought me down. Since then I have been struggeling a little wanting to see God in my life again like I was seeing him before the attack. Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night (usual for me :( ) , I really was wondering where Jesus was, why don't I feel like he is talking to me anymore? I asked him, where are you? and really cried out to him, I prayed and begged, God maybe if you gave me a dream with you holding me in your arms, I would know your around. But I found that what God gave me in a dream was better, he told me... "trust in Me, and you will recieve the Holy spirit" in other words he is saying to me, your not trusting in me, how can you hear me? and this was true, I was not fully trusting Him, because I was feeling like I couldn't be forgiven for whatever reason. Something so simple is all he asked from me, trust me. I am often amazed at how simple it is what God ask's of us, yet we often fail at it.
I never got baptised till a few years later I think, my Mother was dating a Christian man who asked if I would like to be baptised, of corse I would! I can still remember my baptism, I remember giving a speach about my faith, then I was baptised. I remember coming out of the water feeling that great joy again, I couldn't do anything but smile, I was soooo happy. I grew closer to God through reading his word when I was young and I gained a good understanding of scripture, but I never had someone to disciple me and help me with problems I was going through. I struggled with a sin and was finding it hard to stop, I couldn't stop, but I still continued in my faith.
My greatest blow to my faith came in grade 11, I was spiritually attacked, a very severe one that caused me to wonder where God was. I believe that the attack was because I tried to share my faith with a Chinese girl who was involved in a spiritualist cult and I was young and didn't have the knowledge to know how to handle this spiritual attack. It started in the middle of the night for me, I had a dream and woke up with a very evil presence that surrounded me and seemed to block my prayers from reaching God. I called out to God but nothing seemed to make it go away. I had no idea how to deal with this, and because of the sin I was involved in, I had felt like I had finnally sinned so much that God had turned away from me. I got through this time, it lasted for about 2 months and really interupted my study as I was unable to concentrate on anything during that period.
After that my faith in God was not as strong as it was before, but I always longed to be with Him. My sinning continued ... and my faith was not strong at all... someoen would ask me if i'm Christian and I didn't know what to say, I felt like how can I call myself a Christian and be doing what I'm doing. I wanted to be a sincer Christian, I didn't like the thought of being fake.
By the time I found Hope Brisbane I was in this state, not knowing to say if i'm a Christian or not, cause I didn't feel worthy. Through hope brisbane I started to gain strength again and grow in Christ, God was using his word to speak to me. He taught me about my sin and showed me how I can start to over come it. It was interesting because he showed me through scriptures I had read before, but gave me a new understanding of them and how it relates to me. Then I had another blow, during a prayer meeting I had another spiritual attack, and had the feeling of condemnation on me again. Though not as strong as it happened when I had my grade 11 attack it still wounded me and brought me down. Since then I have been struggeling a little wanting to see God in my life again like I was seeing him before the attack. Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night (usual for me :( ) , I really was wondering where Jesus was, why don't I feel like he is talking to me anymore? I asked him, where are you? and really cried out to him, I prayed and begged, God maybe if you gave me a dream with you holding me in your arms, I would know your around. But I found that what God gave me in a dream was better, he told me... "trust in Me, and you will recieve the Holy spirit" in other words he is saying to me, your not trusting in me, how can you hear me? and this was true, I was not fully trusting Him, because I was feeling like I couldn't be forgiven for whatever reason. Something so simple is all he asked from me, trust me. I am often amazed at how simple it is what God ask's of us, yet we often fail at it.
Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
1 comments:
Thanks for sharing, Ryan..Praise God for bringing you into our Daniel2. Keep growing, I believe God is with us and He never forsakes us. :)
Sunny
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